Stop Telling Your Kids No.


Just imagine you are cooking dinner for your family.  Veggies steaming, chicken in the oven and you’re peeling the potatoes to make your families favorite mashed potatoes.  And your 4 year old comes in to the kitchen and says “Can I have a cookie?” How do you respond?  I mean, of course he can’t have a coookie! Can’t he see your cooking dinner!  Can’t he see how hard you’re working? He NEVER gets a cookie before dinner so who would he even ask?!?

Take and breath and respond with YES….

You read that right, I said yes. But hold on…. Keep reading. Try the sentence “Yes you can have a cookie…After dinner”.

When you say no to your child over and over, it loses it’s importance. When you say yes, it not not pit you against your child and they hear that their request is important.

Sounds simple right. What about when they are a teenager and want to borrow your car? You have choices.

“Yes you can borrow the car tomorrow”

“yes you can borrow the car, don’t forget to put gas in it”

“Yes you can borrow the car when you _______ and show me you are responsible”

“Yes you can borrow the car, after you__________”

This simple change in language likely will enhance your relationship with your little one providing less argumentative conversations and more connection.


About the Author

Nicole Chambers is a local Maple Ridge Counsellor and has over 15 years experience  working with children from age 6 weeks+. She is also a trained birth & postpartum Doula, Childbirth Educator and Placenta Encapsulation Specialist and Early Childhood Educator specializing in prenatal anxiety and loss.   She’s trained in Nobody’s Perfect parenting, Hand in Hand Parenting, Expressive Play Therapy and continues to take courses on child development, trauma, birth and adolescence.

The Goose Story ( a story on finding support)

The Goose Story

The Goose Story

When you see geese flying along in “V” formation, you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in “V” formation, the whole flock adds at least 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own. People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.


When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone — and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front. If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those people who are headed the same way we are.


When the head goose gets tired, it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point. It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs, whether with people or with geese flying south. Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.


What messages do we give when we honk from behind? Finally — and this is important — when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshot, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies, and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.


If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.


Author Unknown